A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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