i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I bet he comes in French.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
