last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Randomize
