this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
