What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
