apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
