we have officially lost it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
