i think my mom watched the whole time
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
