We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the condom got lost in my hair
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
