yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
