yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
