Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
