It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have fence marks all over my body
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
