fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize