Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
