but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
