so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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