apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
