just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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