I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
