Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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