I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need to calm my uterus...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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