I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i will never coherently bang her
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
