I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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