thus making me awesome and them whores
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
