he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
