508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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