he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
