There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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