We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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