Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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