I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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