my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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