So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
