you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
