I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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