i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
