you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
