I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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