i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Mom said you looked used
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
