So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
