So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
