i just made my gag reflex go away.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What a dumb baby whore.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
