If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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