I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
only if we run a train.
done.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
