I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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