I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
