we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
