I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Randomize
