She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
