i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
