Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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