I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I lost the right to judge tonight
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
