Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
