That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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