I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
