question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
