is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
