First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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