you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
