Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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