can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
