piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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