It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
