I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
