He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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